What do you all think?
Originally posted on LIVING THE LAI:
When you first met your girl… you took her to dinner, you took her to the movies, you took her to the club. And, she really enjoyed your company because you were thoughtful, engaging and hilarious. Okay, maybe you were a little corny… but you knew exactly how to make her blush. And when you inched closer, put your arms around her… paused… and kissed her for the first time …. she felt desired.
As time goes by, you find that you spend more time at home because you can’t be bothered to waste money at the club… to listen to the same music and to see the same people. But when you wanted to have sex with her for the first time… you were on the dance floor till they started to play Celine Dion.
How ironic it is that when your boys ask you to go out… you’re…
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Empty vessels make the most noise
Which explains the racket that accompanies every word her mouth deploys
Wishing her words were stone to hurt another
Never realizing that all she launches is clamor and as impacting as kite paper
Empty vessels are easily blown away
Which explains how she got to where she is today
For if she was filled with self-respect and dignity
Then “no idiot little boy could disrespect me”
Really and truly
Right now she degrades herself blindly and willfully
Empty vessels are easily taken
What weight or substance is there to keep it from being stolen?
This vessel is forsaken
Empty vessels are easily broken
And remain with their true potential unspoken
What is our purpose as individuals who have relationships with other individuals? Is our purpose to be ourselves so that they can enjoy you for you? Are you to adjust yourself so they can enjoy you for them? What are you to get out of it? Having any type of relationship with someone is very complicated, well for me it is and it’s even more complicated with family members. I grew up with my mom and dad who are both quite busy and distant so I entertain myself most of the time and all of my family except one who is also a busy woman live abroad. No one my age or related by blood around. So I have been spared from family drama for most, if not all of my life.
Recently though, I had a wondrous 3-4 months to spend in the company of a cousin of mine. I love her to death of course but the situation taught me something. It taught me that this family thing is no fun sometimes…..when you have a problem, it is best to talk it out…be open to hear what other people have to say because darlings, people always have something to say. We know that I have an issue with communication and that can be problematic at times but the thing is, when she and I ran into a little issue, I found that I really had no choice but to go to her about it. Why? We were living in the same house, we were of the same blood….I couldn’t run. I would have loved to though.
God knows I LOVE being alone. It’s euphoric, but I cannot avoid people and most definitely, I cannot avoid family and so as I try to learn to become a better person and even as I intend to have my own family, I need to get in the hang of consistently trying to be a better communicator and when issues arise, dealing with them with utmost humility. Lord knows it’s hard…but oh well.
Thanks guys, this wasn’t very long or as spicy but stay tuned….I thought that may I could get a break from these communication issues I carry but…..yh….no. Toodles, next blog in this series is entitled Diaries of a Miscommunicator: God…..Help! >.<
Let me start off by saying HAPPY NEW YEAR! God bless you all, I hope that this year brings us many meaningful lessons and experiences and that we will have beautiful encounters with God. Now, to the business ^_^ I very recently read and ‘reblogged’ a very impacting blog written by a darling I know, it was amazing to see how similar her accounts were to what mine are. Strange, since we are complete opposites in relation to this topic and I guess since there is an indirect battle between plus sizes and size 0s but I can totally relate. (Here is the link https://brittneyoharris1.wordpress.com/2014/12/31/being-the-fat-kid/ )
So this blog is in response to that one.
Someone asked me, “Is it really an issue?” and little did they know, that question has an important part to play in this ghostly issue since it seems to be non-existent to many. “Being skinny” to the wider world is a blessing, it’s what everyone wants to be; models are skinny, clothes are made for slim people…bla bla bla but what do we really experience? This is my experience.
Where I come from your size and shape is very important because too skinny or too fat and Caribbean ideology don’t really go well together and it’s very difficult to please John Public when we barely have any control over what God gave us as our bodies. Brittney, in her blog, mentioned how difficult it was growing up with her size and it may have been equally difficult for me since friends and family members and even perfect strangers usually greeted me with “Wooow you’re really skinny!” or “You haven’t put on a pound” or out of the kindness in their hearts, dish out some extra of whatever was being served…..all the time, how sweet of them. They were never satisfied.
You would imagine a girl’s high school graduation dinner would be an exciting day for her but mine wasn’t as nice. I wanted to look pretty, I was leaving school for goodness sake, but there were barely anything for me to choose from because every time you walk into a store and approach something you like, an assistant would greet me with a “Hi, this is….” (she calls some ridiculous price) “but you wouldn’t get any to fit you”. Shopping was very annoying for me, SKINNY jeans (pencil pants) came out and guess what guys….they didn’t fit (yes it was that bad); this didn’t fit, that didn’t fit and the seamstress quickly became my mother’s bestie and when money was short, I learned to stitch and crop and tuck and pin-up my own stuff. Baggy clothes looked weird, fitted clothes made me look like walking sticks, I was never satisfied.
I was constantly conscious of my body. Passing by buildings with glass doors and windows made my eyes burn at the sight of my skinny-ness, it was terrible because I knew if I could see it, other people could see it too and they’d murmur. My legs and arms were my enemies, they were unsightly to me. I never liked raising my arms (not even in church) and I disliked anything that had to do with showing legs; short skirts, bath suits, leggings, tights, short dresses. I had no problem where modesty was concerned because I was so self-conscious.
As I mentioned before, people were a big problem. They always had something to say, I was always called names by school mates like Giraffe (being tall and skinny is a completely different thing all together), lamp-post, daddy-long-legs, anorexic and the list goes on and of course family apparently have license to do you whatever harm they feel fit, say what they please. I felt like I was ugly, like no one would like me…..I tried, for no good reason other than to appease other people, to gain weight. Yes, people google weight loss techniques and I googled techniques for weight gain. I began eating a lot but nothing worked, my blessed metabolism just kept burning it all away but no one cared about that, they kept on with their jokes and so I kept on trying. Being a teenager and facing those challenges was especially difficult, I remember a guy said to my face when someone suggested that he could take me as his girlfriend, “Nah!” As if I were disgusting to him, “She too skinny, she have no meat on her bones”. Those things cut into the depths of me and I wasn’t the talking type so a sum total of 0 people knew what was going on in my head.
In a world where skinny women are not considered “real women” *rolls eyes* and where we experience these kinds of things I mentioned above constantly, it is clear that there is an issue to answer the question that I opened with. And no…. being skinny is not the issue or being fat even, we are who we are…..the real issues here are self-esteem and self-worth, insecurities, inconsiderate people, self image…identity. And since we aren’t taken seriously when we do say something about how we feel or it just doesn’t seem as pressing an issue as something else, it gets swept under the carpet and a lot of young ladies just keep their hurt bottled up inside. That shouldn’t be acceptable under any circumstance.
In the article I referred to earlier, this young lady said she found peace in her Lord, in Jesus and so did I. It was when I understood that it really wasn’t my fault that I am the size I am, that it wasn’t that I was late to the ‘shape and size’ line in heaven and just got the left overs. God in His infinite wisdom molded and shaped me into this body that I have and everything He created, He called good. If the almighty God is pleased with me as I am, then so am I. My responsibility is to take care of the gift that He has given to me and even though I sometimes to this day battle with those insecurities, I know that God loves me even with my imperfections and that I am fearfully and wonderfully made by Him. It really doesn’t matter what people say and they only have as much power to hurt you as you give them. I have learned a lot in my journey out of the place where I used to be, I learned forgiveness, love, patience and now if it doesn’t fit….that’s too bad for it. :P
At this point, you guys know how it goes….I’ve run out of words so I shall stop (took me longer than I expected). God bless you all….Love yourselves, God made you beautiful.