Grace and Peace, it’s been a while (understatement).
Here is what, perhaps one of the most beautiful aspects of life is that it makes you grow. It pushes you constantly, shoving you into difficult situations and experiences that you have to decide how you would manage. It continues moving at whatever pace it wishes to move at, dragging you along. We now have to use these changes and so on to make the best of our lives and usually only in hindsight we can see the silver lining.
I have no idea if I was able to properly capture what I meant to say but hopefully you would understand through an example. I graduated in 2015 with high hopes of somehow beating the unemployment plague and getting a job…in my field. I was entering a new chapter of life, the beginning of being an adult. However, I went through a difficult time personally with not being able to find any proper source of income, issues in my relationship and with my family. I’d pour out my heart in my diary and to God about how much everything was going wrong because those pages and His ears are the only ones that seemed to listen. I just felt like things were stagnant, I was able to move forward from where I was and I cried a lot about it.
Now, I have a job and yes it is in my field, my relationship is beautiful and moving into an exciting new stage, I’m currently pursuing my Master’s degree and things are no where near as grim looking as they were just a few months ago. However, I realize how much I grew in that turbulent time, the time of dryness. Not to sound cliche either but I don’t even regret it, I am very grateful. You see even though I felt like I was being drained of my very existence (not to exaggerate or anything) I was, at the same time learning patience, learning to be content, to think outside of my personal box. I was even made aware of some insecurities I had and some areas where I needed to work on my confidence.
So now I am faced with a new set of circumstances and they seem to be less painful than the last but I know that God is fixing to use this time to teach me something else now. My job is to be ready to learn and open to growth. The thing is, each new chapter in life is a chapter uncharted and we have to learn to climb the mountain, jump the hurdles or manoeuvre through the seas.
What I’d like to share simply is this, life is short. Time is not ours. Use it all wisely.
I have seen people I love and cherish leave this life, I have seen people who were loved are cherished leave this life. I have seen people hold onto things or situations so long that it changes them for the worse. We don’t have the luxury of knowing when is our time. We have safely made it to 2017 and we should be grateful for the extra time to do more than we did last year. Smile more, be kinder, share more. Step by step, person by person we can make this into a whole new world.
I do believe that we need to remember in the midst of all the crazy that is going to happen this year. Love can conquer all.
What an interesting year this has been; it has contributed to my growth and maturity, it put me through the fire in some ways and now here I am. The beginning of this year was filled with so much hope, an uncertain future that put a smile on my face. However, this year was a world all by itself. I am better because of it. Take a good look at the year you have had and ask yourself, what did I get from it? How did you learn? Also remember to ask yourself, what did I give to it? Let these things shape the “resolutions” you may be inclined to set for next year.
To be very honest, I have had difficult times and difficult situations to deal with in years already gone by but this year was different. It was new and I was unprepared. Despite all of that, as this year ends and the earth continues to spin….I realize that what I have to face right now is nothing compared to what other people have to live with.
Pain was felt in so many different ways across the world this year, lives were lost, hearts broken. I cannot sit here and sulk while people are losing their loved ones and losing their safety elsewhere. I remember that my year began with a fresh understanding of the pain people have to face around the world. It began with a love for them and a hope to see my brothers and sisters flourish. I see my experience this year as a very small but practical example of how circumstances can flip someone’s life upside down and they can be displaced. No longer going where they thought. No longer living how they lived. Barely any faith for tomorrow.
We really do not know anything. We are boxed into our own reality. I cannot understand how we can ignore the lives of humans beings that are just as valuable as you and I.
My heart is broken.
I want 2017 to be a year that brings a world brand new….and 2016 be a year made old. Not just for me but for everyone. For anyone who has had a difficult time this year. The words of one of my favourite local songs says:
“Never ever worry, don’t mind how things looking hard…
Never ever worry, don’t mind how you suffering bad
Never ever worry, what I’m saying is true
Always consider somebody suffering more than you”
I will cast my cares up to the heavens and learn to be humble in the midst of my despair because the worst has not even started for me. I will always remember to pray for those who have lost their family members, babies who will never know their parents, refugees looking for safety and for the protective of everyone in a war stricken area. Maybe, if God spares my life to see the morn of 2017, we will awake to the peace and goodwill that we sing about so much at the end of every year. Not only for me little sake….but for Aleppo. For everyone.
This year has been a difficult one for me but in many ways it could have been worse so I am grateful. I have realized though that God has my back so I can rest easy. Disappointment has always been one of my least favourite feelings, I try to avoid it as much as I can. Life has gotten really real, really quickly. As a young adult, I realize that the decisions I make now will affect how I live the rest of my life and it is a lot of pressure to have on one person. I don’t have anything to inherit really or if I do, it won’t be much. I have to work to get to where I want to be and I have complaints there but boy is it hard. I have been ready to give up for a while now but something won’t let me and at times I wish it would.
I have always been a dreamer and somewhat of an optimist. The cards that life has been dealing me these days keep shutting me down so then I had to re-evaluate. I came across a song that really helps me to keep my goals in perspective. The lyrics say, “Keep on dreaming even if it breaks your heart…” so even though not being able to afford things is difficult and there seems to be no way for me to continue my studies right now, I will push.
Right now when I have big dreams and nothing to back them with….I trust God and His will. He has been teaching me to do that in a big way and I am learning. I am grateful for the little that I have. I try to make my little things worthwhile. I try to multiply my talents like the servants in the bible and not hide it away in fear. There is a video I just saw on Facebook that was a sweet reminder to be grateful and for me, I must do so even in the face of disappointment.
My God will take care of me, He knows my dreams and He will guide me. Have you faced or are you facing disappointing circumstances? Are you ready to give up? Let us rest easy and persevere.
Firstly let me say as simply as I can, I am sorry for my absence. Even though it was more than absence….perhaps abandonment is the word.
Well what can I say about anything now…..life is becoming more and more comfortable with me and I am becoming more uncomfortable with it. It is disrobing itself day after day and month after month and I am scarred every single time.
I am young so my life is, in theory, just starting. This means that I have much more scars to look forward to and I am beaming with excitement. The wind took me up and it took me down, I have seen new things and places and I have had new experiences. The wind taught me in silence how to be strong by being free, allowing myself to go where I don’t want to and experience what I don’t want to. Pain and disappointment (blog on that is coming soon) have been a side dish for all the main courses of my life for the past months. Not because anything devastating happened, no, I’m just tired of having things I have hoped for slip out of my fingers. So I am resting my heart, I suppose I have a lot of time to get to where my heart desires….if that is what God wants and if not then that’s fine.
So now I am falling from the wind and returning with the tide, que sera sera. I trust God to guide me even though I have no clue what He is up to. My life is not mine and my dreams and plans should belong to him. That is what I need to remind myself of continuously. I am not able to choose my life’s course….I am not God.
Sorry if all this seems like code and confusing, I will be sure to fill you in once a month. Although I am surely speaking (writing) to myself…..I will continue to do so. At least one person can benefit from my thoughts.