Sometimes the key to what is holding us back is hidden between the words that we speak. This week I got a revelation….yes…let’s call it that. There are people that I expected to show me care and love but instead were distant and made me feel rejected. I walked around with hurt and pain because of that and it seemed like other people added to it. And no one else knew any of that but me…..however, if I had spent a couple of minutes objectively listening to myself I would have caught on to the root of my issue.
As a Christian young lady :D I thought I had the forgiveness thing down but apparently I did not. Unforgiveness was lodged deeeeeeep inside my heart and that caused all the hurt, which caused all the distrust, which caused me to lock up myself. I didn’t want anyone else to do what that person did or what those persons did. That came out in my conversation and even in my lack of conversation but as I said, it was hidden. I mean, how would you be able to tell that when I say “I don’t want to talk about it” I really mean “Ummm yh I have hurt and pain locked up inside me and that’s I haven’t really forgiven some things…so I don’t really want to go there right now, thanks”. You wouldn’t get that……no….lol…..you probably wouldn’t.
So I was led to let it all go. I let go of my pain and those people…called them all by name. I have control over my life now, I will share how I feel and what I like and dislike. I’ll become a new person ’cause this old one….is old.I also realise that I can’t wrong the people that tried to help me for their failure. I don’t think you can help someone like me unless you truly understand or unless you have discernment from God. This is something that I had mentioned to someone before, God has a way of dealing with things that is totally unlike ours and unless we ask Him for guidance, we’d just be frustrating the person we’re trying to help…putting them through way more than necessary. Any way guys, my revelation came and I forgave an I am still in the process of forgiving.
It’s funny though, the reason I chose the name SheSays is because I never really spoke about things with people and so WordPress was my realise but now, we can say that since I am coming out of the anti-communication sector, my name would carry a different meaning. I’d be SheSays because she actually says something both here and with my mouth.
When you first met your girl… you took her to dinner, you took her to the movies, you took her to the club. And, she really enjoyed your company because you were thoughtful, engaging and hilarious. Okay, maybe you were a little corny… but you knew exactly how to make her blush. And when you inched closer, put your arms around her… paused… and kissed her for the first time …. she felt desired.
As time goes by, you find that you spend more time at home because you can’t be bothered to waste money at the club… to listen to the same music and to see the same people. But when you wanted to have sex with her for the first time… you were on the dance floor till they started to play Celine Dion.
How ironic it is that when your boys ask you to go out… you’re…
Empty vessels make the most noise
Which explains the racket that accompanies every word her mouth deploys
Wishing her words were stone to hurt another
Never realizing that all she launches is clamor and as impacting as kite paper
Empty vessels are easily blown away
Which explains how she got to where she is today
For if she was filled with self-respect and dignity
Then “no idiot little boy could disrespect me”
Really and truly
Right now she degrades herself blindly and willfully
Empty vessels are easily taken
What weight or substance is there to keep it from being stolen?
This vessel is forsaken
Empty vessels are easily broken
And remain with their true potential unspoken
What is our purpose as individuals who have relationships with other individuals? Is our purpose to be ourselves so that they can enjoy you for you? Are you to adjust yourself so they can enjoy you for them? What are you to get out of it? Having any type of relationship with someone is very complicated, well for me it is and it’s even more complicated with family members. I grew up with my mom and dad who are both quite busy and distant so I entertain myself most of the time and all of my family except one who is also a busy woman live abroad. No one my age or related by blood around. So I have been spared from family drama for most, if not all of my life.
Recently though, I had a wondrous 3-4 months to spend in the company of a cousin of mine. I love her to death of course but the situation taught me something. It taught me that this family thing is no fun sometimes…..when you have a problem, it is best to talk it out…be open to hear what other people have to say because darlings, people always have something to say. We know that I have an issue with communication and that can be problematic at times but the thing is, when she and I ran into a little issue, I found that I really had no choice but to go to her about it. Why? We were living in the same house, we were of the same blood….I couldn’t run. I would have loved to though.
God knows I LOVE being alone. It’s euphoric, but I cannot avoid people and most definitely, I cannot avoid family and so as I try to learn to become a better person and even as I intend to have my own family, I need to get in the hang of consistently trying to be a better communicator and when issues arise, dealing with them with utmost humility. Lord knows it’s hard…but oh well.
Thanks guys, this wasn’t very long or as spicy but stay tuned….I thought that may I could get a break from these communication issues I carry but…..yh….no. Toodles, next blog in this series is entitled Diaries of a Miscommunicator: God…..Help! >.<
Photography is the means whereby I can immortalize moments: moments like that shy, beautiful smile; a baby's first step, first birthday, graduation; the moment a man sees his beautiful bride-to-be on the day of their wedding for the first time, arrayed in all her glory; the vibrant energy and passion at a concert...all of life's precious happenings, forever captured. Photography isn't just taking a picture; it's creating something breathtaking out of nothing, seeing the unseen and like the Great Potter, creating a masterpiece.