This year has been a difficult one for me but in many ways it could have been worse so I am grateful. I have realized though that God has my back so I can rest easy. Disappointment has always been one of my least favourite feelings, I try to avoid it as much as I can. Life has gotten really real, really quickly. As a young adult, I realize that the decisions I make now will affect how I live the rest of my life and it is a lot of pressure to have on one person. I don’t have anything to inherit really or if I do, it won’t be much. I have to work to get to where I want to be and I have complaints there but boy is it hard. I have been ready to give up for a while now but something won’t let me and at times I wish it would.
I have always been a dreamer and somewhat of an optimist. The cards that life has been dealing me these days keep shutting me down so then I had to re-evaluate. I came across a song that really helps me to keep my goals in perspective. The lyrics say, “Keep on dreaming even if it breaks your heart…” so even though not being able to afford things is difficult and there seems to be no way for me to continue my studies right now, I will push.
Right now when I have big dreams and nothing to back them with….I trust God and His will. He has been teaching me to do that in a big way and I am learning. I am grateful for the little that I have. I try to make my little things worthwhile. I try to multiply my talents like the servants in the bible and not hide it away in fear. There is a video I just saw on Facebook that was a sweet reminder to be grateful and for me, I must do so even in the face of disappointment.
My God will take care of me, He knows my dreams and He will guide me. Have you faced or are you facing disappointing circumstances? Are you ready to give up? Let us rest easy and persevere.
Firstly let me say as simply as I can, I am sorry for my absence. Even though it was more than absence….perhaps abandonment is the word.
Well what can I say about anything now…..life is becoming more and more comfortable with me and I am becoming more uncomfortable with it. It is disrobing itself day after day and month after month and I am scarred every single time.
I am young so my life is, in theory, just starting. This means that I have much more scars to look forward to and I am beaming with excitement. The wind took me up and it took me down, I have seen new things and places and I have had new experiences. The wind taught me in silence how to be strong by being free, allowing myself to go where I don’t want to and experience what I don’t want to. Pain and disappointment (blog on that is coming soon) have been a side dish for all the main courses of my life for the past months. Not because anything devastating happened, no, I’m just tired of having things I have hoped for slip out of my fingers. So I am resting my heart, I suppose I have a lot of time to get to where my heart desires….if that is what God wants and if not then that’s fine.
So now I am falling from the wind and returning with the tide, que sera sera. I trust God to guide me even though I have no clue what He is up to. My life is not mine and my dreams and plans should belong to him. That is what I need to remind myself of continuously. I am not able to choose my life’s course….I am not God.
Sorry if all this seems like code and confusing, I will be sure to fill you in once a month. Although I am surely speaking (writing) to myself…..I will continue to do so. At least one person can benefit from my thoughts.
After coming a long way and petering out of the honeymoon phase, it’s not uncommon for a relationship to have its own share of problems. It’s not that the couple no longer loves each other, but rather the euphoria of finding that special someone in your life has started to fade away. With this veil slowly vanishing, the issues you may have overlooked or have been unaware of are now starting to peep up their little ugly gnome heads in your beautiful garden. It’s a safe thing to say that this occurrence is virtually inevitable, so if you haven’t gotten there yet, be prepared.
A wonderful tool to help get out of this little predicament is something that a lot of Christian groups recommend: accountability. Now I know what you may be thinking. It sounds corny and lame but at the end of the day, it’s recommended for a reason…
Sometimes the key to what is holding us back is hidden between the words that we speak. This week I got a revelation….yes…let’s call it that. There are people that I expected to show me care and love but instead were distant and made me feel rejected. I walked around with hurt and pain because of that and it seemed like other people added to it. And no one else knew any of that but me…..however, if I had spent a couple of minutes objectively listening to myself I would have caught on to the root of my issue.
As a Christian young lady😀 I thought I had the forgiveness thing down but apparently I did not. Unforgiveness was lodged deeeeeeep inside my heart and that caused all the hurt, which caused all the distrust, which caused me to lock up myself. I didn’t want anyone else to do what that person did or what those persons did. That came out in my conversation and even in my lack of conversation but as I said, it was hidden. I mean, how would you be able to tell that when I say “I don’t want to talk about it” I really mean “Ummm yh I have hurt and pain locked up inside me and that’s I haven’t really forgiven some things…so I don’t really want to go there right now, thanks”. You wouldn’t get that……no….lol…..you probably wouldn’t.
So I was led to let it all go. I let go of my pain and those people…called them all by name. I have control over my life now, I will share how I feel and what I like and dislike. I’ll become a new person ’cause this old one….is old.I also realise that I can’t wrong the people that tried to help me for their failure. I don’t think you can help someone like me unless you truly understand or unless you have discernment from God. This is something that I had mentioned to someone before, God has a way of dealing with things that is totally unlike ours and unless we ask Him for guidance, we’d just be frustrating the person we’re trying to help…putting them through way more than necessary. Any way guys, my revelation came and I forgave an I am still in the process of forgiving.
It’s funny though, the reason I chose the name SheSays is because I never really spoke about things with people and so WordPress was my realise but now, we can say that since I am coming out of the anti-communication sector, my name would carry a different meaning. I’d be SheSays because she actually says something both here and with my mouth.